by Mauro Mongarli
My first Ironman was a German guy. Gee, he looked so gorgeous... I want him, I thought. And with a big smile I went to him saying Hi, I'm the girl for you! He made an even bigger smile, and gave me a sign like: I'm coming, just a moment, must do something.
There were no other Ironmen around, so all I could do was sit and wait. And make bad eyes to another girl who was trying to call him. It's mine! my eyes said, lightining in her direction.
That dream boy came to me in no more than five minutes. He said hallo, and pull off her top. Great hairy chest, but... I was attracted by his legs! You know: I hate shaved legs - I LOVE waxed legs. They're more smooth, it's a pleasure to touch them... His back was great, too: surely a strong swimmer.
But all of a sudden, he stood up and said: dank you! and jumped away like an Easter Bunny. Hey!
But I had no time for tears, or else, because another German guy was near me smiling: he was smaller but he had thighs like missiles!
Believe me, it has been hard: he never had enough! I asked for help, I have to admit that.
And then a Canadian, a couple of Americans, two Japanese, a bunch of Australian, a Kiwi and an Italian too!
And the more they come, the more were asking for this, for that, touch me here, don't go that fast there...
At the end I was absolutely destroyed. No energy left.
But to give massages at the end of an Ironman race is great! Is something I'll tell my nephew, one day.
Mauro Mongarli is a writer and a triathlete. He was born in Venice, where massages are ok even if you're not shaved - or waxed.
I am a triathlon team
by Mauro Mongarli
Yes I am. There's a bunch of people hungry for victory, in my team. Sammy boy is the oldest, despite he's just seven years old. He's in my head from the time I played basketball. I was always trying to play rude-act like man, but he was too gentle to allow me to do it. Now he's the one who shut my mouth when a marshall look at me when I'm NOT drafting but he think I am. He say: " he's a man, he can be wrong, you're a man, you can be wrong" to "Yosemite" Sam, the other team mate who talk most of the time when I race. Usually I can't stand it, you know: "Ok guys, almost made it. Let's take this one and we're near to the other... OH! IT'S A WOMAN!, Push harder, you have some legs, haven't you?" for an entire race can be boring. But this guy can be a real help with "Spock" Samuel, the team's philosopher, when he starts with: "Why am I doing this? I mean: I can't see any logical reason to stay out here for just a minute more. I'm cooked, I'm aching everywhere..." and you know the stuff. Recently, since I decided to try an Ironman triathlon, there's another guy in the team, it's "Can-Am" Sam. He talks slowly, and you can barely hear him. But he's cool, even my girlfriend like it. I'm not jealous, you know. Well, let's say I MUST NOT be jealous, because in my team there's also a woman, Sammy Jo, and she's the leader, when it happens that I can't see anything clear from tireness on a uphill, or when the things get rude in the water and Yosemite Sam scream things like: "OhyouwhatdyouthinkOOOHmyGodbutIt'sagainsttherulAAAGGHH!No!No! Thewatch!TheHRM!Godknowswhat'smypacenow!"
Sometimes, I listen too much to one or two of my team. And I can talk of the race for ages, with my friends, saying lots of "if" and "but". Other times, all the team seem to have had the perfect race, but I feel down, I feel like I was a spectator, no, a machine not having fun/feelings doing triathlons.
Just few times, I have to admit, the team act in a different way. A silent mode, where all the things are new but known before, someway. Everything is familiar, but it can surprise me. Acting like one, feeling like having all the triathletes' enthusiasm in my body. When it happens Marcie, my girlfriend, understand it, and salute me as a real winner. I always say "Thank you", because I deeply know I am.
I HAD A DREAM
by Mauro Mongarli
Being a contributor of tri-magazines here in Italy and on the web, I'm often into discussions about drafting, ITU, economic problems, sponsors, politics… all seeming everyday like a circus - a little one compared to other sport circus, of course. Not completely negative, very often quite naive, with a concrete amount of general enthusiasm to make carefully grow.
Being a triathlete myself, it's easy to find motivation to writing, but sometimes, you see something you don't want to comment, because it's pure enthusiasm, it's Life at its best.
Someone broke seven hours in an Ironman race? An Italian won an ITU race?
Nothing "that" great. It's just seeing an emotion you'd like to pet, and hold tight.
The kind of emotion you can see between things, like someone deeply happy because have been selected in the Ironman Hawaii Lottery, and will race in Kona.
Like Lucy Edens.
Who is she?
"I am or at least was the most unathletic person in the whole world. My mother was of the old school which believed that for women to be feminine they had to be petite and frail. I always wanted to participate in sports, but was not allowed or encouraged to do so. I read about the IM in Outside magazine when I was very young and vowed that I would do it one day. I started running 5K's in 1987 after graduating from veterinary school and did my first triathlon in 1990. I never did a triathlon with an ocean swim until 1993 and when I did the swim was so hard and the race took so much out of me I thought that it was ridiculous to think that I would ever
compete in the IM."
"1998 has been a very challenging year for me as my husband has been living and working 2000 miles away, my mother had a stroke and I had to make the difficult decision to leave my job. Being awarded this IMH slot is the best thing that has happened to me in a long, long time and I feel blessed to something positive to focus on."
"Racing in Kona is the culmination of the dream. I am not sure how racing in Kona will change me, but I can tell you how being selected for the lottery has. Even though it has only been one week now I view life and people with a slightly different attitude. I have had so many people recognize me in such warm and touching ways that I have had my belief in the innate goodness of people renewed. I feel so very lucky that I received this gift at a time when I was so down and so much needed something good to focus on that I hope I can try to shed a similar light in the lives of those less fortunate than myself."
With triathlon we can celebrate Life. It sounds quite important, don't you think?
Mauro Mongarli try to celebrate Life in Venice, Italy, and all of you can help sending him stories and notes at mauro@bbn.mpbnet.it
Lucy is working hard to be ready in Kona, and felt "very flattered" when reading this article for the first time (go for it, Lucy!)
Tri-tv
by Mauro Mongarli
-Good evening. Here at TRINN, after the abolition of the Olympic Ideal, sports have discovered new frontiers, and triathlon is actually (Funday 52.3, early in the morning) the last edge.
And today's mother of all challenges is near.
Mark Focused vs Dave Determined. Who's going to win? We have Rob on location to discover it. Rob? -
- Here I am, Katherine, just in time to see team's introductions...-
...And now ladies and gentleman, Mark's Focused teeeeeeeam! On lights, Bobby!!!
Camera director, Grady!!! On the steady cam, after recovering a bad injury... Sam the Cam!!! On the final editing... Missy!!!
And now put your hand together for the best triathlete in the world: Maaark Focused!!!
YEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
and in the red corner, the most dangerous triathlon team around!!! They all wear a mask, but we know who you are... voted as the most gourgeous tri team ever, both in 256 and thousands colours... Dave Determined's team!!!
They all approach the water... the marshall is ready to bang...
BANG!!!
The unlucky shot is the masked editor of Determined's team! Hmm, Missing Missy a hard miss for them: she was in excellent conditions, and her last editing lately was better than ever: do you remember the amazing sequence of Dave going downhill from the Everest top, at the last Worlds? Look!
(archive images)
OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!
But the race is on!
Mark is swimming really fast, but Dave is near. At the first mark Simon has a little advantage, so he can answer the question in more time!
- So, Mark how much is your swimsuit?-
- Well, of course they gave it to me for free, but I think it's available at a good price in any Stamina Store - just tell the guy you're... Focused on winning! -
- Ok, the price is right! -
YEY!
- And now you, Dave: what's your secret in swimming? -
- Genetics, mate. My toenails can be from 3 to 6 inches long: I just have to push a button on my hip when I end my stroke. So I can be really faster, no matter if the water is rough or the others have those old finger rockets!-
- Way to go, Dave!-
- I'm gonna kick Mark: I'm... Determined to win!
YEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
SPLASH!
They're on their way again! The athletes swim faster and faster. Mark get out of the water only two microns beyond Dave. Transition area is near, now.
They're running side to side, and their teams are working hard... STOP!
Let's see the replay... Zoom on Mark's butt... 9.4! Dave's grin close up... 9.6! Dave Determined close the gap and now they're on the bike course together!
They're at 62 mph. The two Ferraris will stop pacing in few seconds... three... two ... one... the downhill begins!
WOW!
It's no special effect, ladies and gentleman, their legs are not disappeared: they're spinning THAT fast, and... Gee! What an idea! Their teams are projecting a slide show on their bikes, using the space obtained with the legs optic effect!
This will make earn both at least four minutes of bonus, and lots of money from the lucky sponsors!
They're actually at 82 mph, not a record (looks like a tactic race) but really fast, indeed!
Transition area is here again... Parachutes out! Mark's has been designed by the famous Italian designer, while Dave... is using his national flag! What a heart! This guy from Mars really knows how to touch our souls!
And now they're on the run!
It's a very hard course: downhill for the first three hundred meters, and then soap-skating for the other half!
Here they are on the soap! They fall! Oh my God, they both have broken legs!
Mark is Focused to win, Dave is Determined to win... Mark... Dave...
COMMERCIALS.
Mauro Mongarli writes about triathlon in Venice, Italy. Sometimes he's sad about the sport, and he writes things like this above. Other times is happy with it - because he's training...
Do's and Don'ts of tapering
by Mauro Mongarli
Do you think you're a skilled triathlete? Do you train according to a year round program? Do you have a natural balance between stamina and lactate?
Glad for you. But I think that to consider yourself as a perfect triathlete, you have to perfectly manage the stress of tapering.
The cool site of the Triathletes of Dead Runners Society in the "you know you're a triathlete when..." section, states as the #1 motivation:
"... you know you're a triathlete when you're convinced that if you rest more than one day, your muscles will atrophy, your ultra-fit body will turn into a pile of goo and everyone in your age group will beat you"
Here most of us can agree with a smile, I guess. But when it comes to tapering things get harder. Training less for going faster can be a very hard pill to swallow.
"Honey, are you sure you're well trained? The Ironman is just in ten days, and you look like a couch potato..."
This sentence can really make your blood boil. All of a sudden, the supportive, caring, love of your life morphs into a monster.
"Darling - you reply with a strange calm - it's time to rest, now, so I'll be fresh and ready at the starting line"
"Really? You look so down, honey, you train just an hour per day, don't smile anymore... - here you feel the need to put a polemic smile of yours. DON'T!!! or -... AND DON'T BE LIKE THIS! The fact is that you broke the balance... I lost the habit to have you around all day long, right?"
In this case, just be sorry. She/he has lived with you the hard parts, and tapering is a trauma for both of you. So don't ask her with a grin "a-ha, this make me think! Is someone coming here as your VERY personal trainer when I'm doing centurions?" (If you ask, and the answer is YES, challenge the VERY personal trainer on a sprint distance race - no more: remember you're tapering).
If you notice you're happy if it rains, because missing training is less painful... DO a little run.
After a mile, you'll be thinking "Hey, let's hope it doesn't rain during the race!" and you'll have something else to cry on.
It's much better worry for something possibly negative than cry for tapering, that is good, right?
Very easy to say, I know.
Personally, if when tapering I run under the rain, it makes me thing Prince's "Purple Rain" and cry - but maybe for you it works!
Another big problem during tapering is that all the workout you missed come to your mind with a terrific precision.
"Hmm. I missed two long ride, three months ago. Ok, made three intense Spinning classes, but I needed LONG RIDES, in those days... This would explain the fact I needed a couple of day off ten days after..". AND ALL THIS EVEN WITHOUT LOOKING AT YOUR LOG!!! Be careful: DON'T look sadly at your log, in this case, or you will be seen by the monster: "honey, are you sure you're well trained?" - see above.
If it's not your first important race, with your first important tapering, you can manage all this.
But there's something that vary time after time. It's: what can I do to distract my body and mind?
Not easy, because if you live, you change!
Assuming you're tapering for an ironman, let's say 15 days:
-15 to -11 days: refresh the sport you used to prefer when child: basket, soccer, baseball, opening lizards;
-10 to -5 days: free your mind. Allow it to do what it's left from ages: write that letter to your sister, do shopping twice a day (be careful with miles if in malls), closing lizards;
-4 to -1 days: comply with your growing mystic needs: go to the church of your choice, meditate, say sorry to the lizards you meet.
In few words: tapering is the final, big effort to check if you can stare at the starting line happy to be there and ready to have fun.
It's just a matter of balance, so DO IT!
Mauro Mongarli was trying to write this article while tapering for its first Ironman, when his girlfriend told him: "honey, are you sure..."
Triathletes of the Dead Runners Society are at the URL:
http://www.cris.com/~thompete/tri-drs/
TRIATHLETE'S RIGHTS
by Mauro Mongarli
"Hey, I have to be more angry, next race...", "Mmh, have to go to bed earlier if I want to finish the next three workout...", "Argh! Must be crazy to loose that race! I'll be out of team's bonus points for free speedos!", "I OUGHT TO QUALIFY FOR KONA!"
Not intending to criticize these way of thinking, but... do you ever thought about triathlete's rights?
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO RACE
"Honey, I bought five kilos of honey, honey..."
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE DQD
"Hey. You're too near"
"Oh, no sir... it's at least twenty bikes from the guy beyond!"
"How do you know he's a guy? Because you're too near"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? DO YOU WANT ME TO BRAKE? HERE YOU ARE..." (skreech)
"Impressive. But too hard. Now you're on the other side. You're blocking"
"Listen, just take out that *%°!! red card..."
"Don't say this to a marshal. Or I'll DQD."
"Now I'm going to get you and show you that..."
"Hey. You're drafting a marshal motorbike. You could be DQD."
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DNF
"Ouch! It comes again... I'll never finish..."
"You can finish it here: just want it"
"Well, it would be an improper finish..."
"Still wearing your Ironman watch, Mr President?"
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO HATE TRIATHLON
"Mom, that woman has a bigger breast than you"
"Just carbohydrates, dear..."
"And she also has a better drawn number..."
"Her husband did it for her..."
"Will you beat her, mom? Oh, here she is..."
"Hello Sian! How's Greg? Have a nice race, at the front of the pack!"
"You talked to her, mom"
"Yes. Triathletes are all friends"
...
"Mom, are you in the back of the pack?"
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO TRAIN
"Honey, I'm not supposed to eat all this honey, honey... better ideas, honey?"
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO OVERTRAIN
"Mom, Auntie Sian signed my helmet, see?"
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SHUT UP
"It's evidently a matter of politics, see? Lots of race organizers are lied to the governing bodies, and it's clear that there's no interest in investing more money for a concrete development of triathlon as a sure business - and this carry us to see sponsors in a different way, because satellite tv audience demonstrate..."
"Wow...do you write for some tri mag?"
"Oh, I'd like to. Hope to meet some editor at my first tri race, next Sunday"
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO WARM UP
"Hey buddy, the cannon is in few minutes!"
"Yey..."
"But hey, you look sleepy... Are you alright?"
"I'm ok, but you know, it's my fifteenth ironman..."
"Cool! That's why you didn't warm up: you don't need it!
"Yey, I'm cool..."
"Fifteen ironman races... were you that cool at your first ironman?"
"No, I used to warm up, in those days"
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN
"So you broke your arm during an ironman..."
"Yes"
"Does it hurt?"
"No"
"Come on: it hurts, but you want to impress me..."
"Yes"
"Oh. IS THERE A TRUE IRONMAN IN THE HOUSE?"
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SURPRISE YOURSELF
"Amazing! Making this article I didn't really know if I were writing or training...am I ok, doc?"
Mauro Mongarli take care of his triathlete's rights in Venice, Italy.
He loves bees (and flowers).
Miracles happen!
by Mauro Mongarli
Have you finished your first ironman? Don't know if this Great Miracle could happen again, so intense, so immense? A little worried about doing all that training again?
Here's some help.
Well, you finished your first ironman. It was painful but great. For a month you walked three meters from the pavement, excepting few days of post-ironman blues.
Glory seems with you to stay.
You gave yourself time to rest fisically and mentally before deciding to do another one. In this case, consider to insert effective sharing in your training schedule.
SHARE WITH YOURSELF the best moment of your first ironman. When you feel still that great, when your son tell proudly his mates "dad's made of iron, even if he's hairy". It's almost useless to share this in bad moments: they will be dramatically reduced.
SHARE WITH LIFE that subtle attitude you discover when you get back to regular training. The little voices saying things like: "well, you've done miles enough, today, you can even swim tomorrow", or: "hey, you're looking for what? There's The Simpson on the telly!", or: "ennnnough! Crunches are for fat people, anyway..." now are so tiny, because now you almost can't tell the difference between living and training. So accept the terrible fact your life now has a brighter, clearer horizon, and share this with yourself deeply.
SHARE THE LOVE that all this brings. Of course, the risk of feeling Klark Kent when occasionally you go bowling, exists. But listen to yourself: the feeling of sharing your being an ironman with respect - not imposing yourself to others, it grows from your soul, not from your mirror. To realize this just one time is enough: it will hook you.
SHARE THIS LOVE WITH the people that were outthere with you, on that perfect day.
Those supporting and screaming, those at home, waiting in pain for a call, those you brought with yourself quietly in your heart. This kind of sharing is the most important: it determines the level of all the others, it makes sense to a crazy activity lot of people won't understand, it gives you balance as a person.
If you follow all these advices, a Little Miracle will happen: if for some facts you don't do another ironman, you won't regret it that much.
You got the essence from it, and that's another level of sharing you should make aware other people.
Mauro Mongarli don't make miracles, but can recognize one when he sees it.
>All in a picture
>
>by Mauro Mongarli
>
>
>
>Once upon a time a beautiful young woman. She had a nice job, good friends, a good number of kilograms added to her ideal weight, and a triathlete as a boyfriend, with a Mark Allen photo in his bedroom.
>
She had problems being overweighted and following him at races: all those fit people gave her depression.
Her boyfriend asked her, once:
- Darling, do you really enjoy to come at my races? -
- Of course - was the answer. It was not true.
Before met him, she tried with diets, running, biking, gym, aerobics to put down some weight, but no way. It was clear to her that doing sports was the key even for her, but simply didn't work, God knows why, and seeing her sweetheart so happy with that strange triple sport, and all that people having all that fun... why not me? she was wondering, looking at that Mark Allen photo.
>
Some time passed, more races, too. And something changed. The guy start to really enjoy long distances triathlons, and his motivation changed. The watch became less important, he started to recognize the winds and their changes, because his long distance training was much longer. He started to breath the sport in a deeper way: it became a deep part of his inner life, too.
>
And it became also easier to share this with his girlfriend.
>
It became more evident how important triathlon was for him, and she
>realized that she loved triathlon because it was a part of him!
>
Things changed radically, since then.
>
Stop with doing races because of ranking points, stop doing races because it's near, stop doing races in places they didn't like.
>
Go with holidays tied to every race (less competitions, but unforgettable each, now), go with traveling for races with more friends, and with the tent, why not?, go with volounteering and being part of the sport in a more complete way.
>
Race after race, in our beautiful young woman started to grow a motivation for doing triathlons. Looking at that Allen picture now she could see that the lava fields around him can be considered a part of him. That the blue, cloudless sky over him could be seen as part of the freedom he's tasting in that precise moment. Finally, that his ultra-fit-no-fat-allowed body it's the expression of his training, yes, but also of his determination and willing of celebrating life.
>
Now she swim, she ride, it's not yet the time to run. It will take time to
finish a triathlon, even a sprint distance. But next summer, there's a race where his boyfriend will compete, and Mark Allen will be there as part of the staff.
>
She's training to go to Mark, that day, shake his hand and saying "thank you". She's training because she realized she doesn't need those kilograms anymore.
She's training because this way is more near to his boyfriend soul.
She's training because this way she can look at herself in the mirror and see her soul smiling to life.
>
>>Mauro Mongarli certify that this is a true story and suggest to take it
>home: it could happen to you!
Tri Horoscope for 1999
by Mauro Mongarli
Tri-geek? IronZen? Simply like the sport? Read on to guess what's going on for you in this 1999. But be careful: choose the right sign...
TURN LEFT: be careful - especially if you don't live downunder and are going to race in New Zealand. If left is your best side for pictures, tell your sponsor to add a support car following you when riding downunder: "You know, with all those crash, on the roads..." Use the words "investment", "media exposure".
In extreme cases, use plasters.
Moon advice: use lot of.
TURN RIGHT: always in the same case - racing downunder and no experience of it - remember that it's NOT with the right hand you're supposed to grab bottles at the aid stations. Practice a lot of riding on the other hand, but remember that "thanks" is always the world for the volounteers - even because "sknaht" is impossible to say (at least for me Italian).
Moon advice: practice grabbing with someone you hate...
STRAIGHT AHEAD: more than a sign, an advice... and when turns come, if your mind is relaxed, they will be no problem.
Moon advice: THE TURNAROUND!!! phew...
FREE CAMPING: under this sign you'll find lots of nice tri-people. If you're a pro, have your hotel room booked and all, but you still have the camping spirit, you're a true champion.
Moon advice: hey champ, wanna buy me tent?
FREE DRAFTING: even under this sign there's a lot of wonderful people: just don't confused them with the ones proclaiming: drafting? this is not triathlon as I intend it! and then suck your wheel so closely that force you to change your back tire after every race.
Moon advice: kevlar tires!
FREE YOUR MIND: never seen this sign, in triathlon races? Mmh. Personally, I FELT IT when the sun was coming up at the first ironman race I ever attended, I HAD IT IN MY SOUL when the sun was going to sleep and I was finishing my first ironman, I REALIZE IT everytime, training or racing, the time stops to fly.
Yeah, you're right. I've never seen it, too.
Moon advice: even if you've never seen it, it's better not to ignore it.
CITY LIMIT: vrrrrrrooooooaaaaammmmmmmmm!!!
Moon advice: Sorry?
ONE WAY: during this year there will be only one way to fully enjoy triathlon: to remember that there are infinite ways to live it. Just smile when you hear things like: oh, those doing short distances are great, but not just ironman, or: ironman people? they just slow down from the beginning...
If you really want to say something to these people, just asked them who's the best athlete between 100m and marathon's Olympic champion. Fun is assured.
Moon advice: pretend you're the marathon/100m champ, according to cases...
NO KIDS ALLOWED: WARNING: if you see this sign on the face of some tri-crew people, tell me his/her name, and I'm going to put this person in my voodoo program: "do you remember when you were a kid, and you didn't want to come out of the water, didn't stop biking even when your knees were bleeding, and didn't quit running before spitting the left lung?"
I'll make a new man/woman of him/her.
Moon advice: don't worry, no pins.
SLOW FOOD: this year the food trend is to eat like last year, just slower.
Pros: better digestion, better food assimilation, feeling lighter and stronger when working out.
Cons: longer pasta party.
Moon advice: consider the con a pro, if you're racing in Italy.
FAST TRANSITION: under the sign of speed, transition areas will be reduced to stamps size, and no one will protest (why d'you need more space? Are you that slow?!?!) train properly.
Moon advice: make a petition to convince race directors to put at least a slow food restaurant near the stamps...
SHARE THE ROAD: always and anywhere!
Moon advice: ditto!
Mauro Mongarli still believes that a strange horoscope is better than any new year's resolution. Agree? Don't?