Doping: A letter

by Mauro Mongarli

This letter won't save you from doping, but if you read it carefully five times it will clear your mind about something. After you read it five times, don't send it to anyone, just BE the essence of this letter that say: DOPING IS STUPID.

Jenny D. read this letter when feeding his 7yo daughter Sandy with vitamine supplements during Spring time. "Doctors use to say kids must be sustained when the season changes... Sandy does a lot of sports, and she must grow correctly as well..." After reading, she realized that Sandy's nutrition lacked of lot of things that could be easily find in a more balanced nutrition.
Some supplements stayed but with all the money saved, Jenny was able to buy more free time to spend with Sandy, enhancing legally, and lovely, her sports ability thanks to her mom's love.

Mark G. was known as the most doped triathlete of his area. What did he use to take? Absolutely nothing. He just liked the idea, the atmosphere... He closed himself in the bathroom to drink normal electrolytes, he ate energy bars shaping them like donuts "not to make suspects at all", he gulped Aspirine with no water to show he could fight colds with anything. After reading this letter, he realized that he wasn't doped, but he showed all the bad effects of doping: he was nervous, touchy even with objects, too focused on results, and never having fun. A false sense of trasgression was his final goal until he forgot (well, her "had enough!" girlfriend took away) all his "doping" stuff. He arrived last, but relaxed and happy, and sure that next race would have been a triumph (and he won and married his wise girlfriend in Kona, during T2).

Les M. had to go to the E.R. for his kind of doping. "Doc, don't know what to do! Everyone in triathlon hates me!" He kept repeating the docs. After some exams, it was clear that Les' blood was affected by the worst doping substance in the world: power - no need to read this letter to catch that. Even EPO can't even get near to power's effects, even because it doesn't seem to affect your body. Side effects terribly hits triathlon governing bodies and movements everywhere, anyway. The effects affect for a limited amount of time, let's say until the Olympic Games. What happen then? Let's hope something happens.

Susie N. experimented doping the inner side. She's more than a promise, in triathlon, and when she told her family doctor about her good result he offered to "help" the way you're thinking. Her family doc, the man that cured her family since she was born, the typical well respected man. She read this letter, but it was even less clear what to do. "If I say the name of the doc on papers, what will it change? I'm sure there will be a long line of athletes waiting for a needle in their arm from him. What if I keep my mouth close? Word of mouth is powerful, and probably I can't see the line, but it's there...

So read this letter five times, and you'll be aware that doping is stupid.
The best way to fight it is still to keep your mind open.


Mauro Mongarli is not a doctor, nor doesn't play one on TV. But he believes that good sense can be dressing all the colours, not just white.

Is chicken soup doping?

by Mauro Mongarli

Of course it could be.
Ever seen a couple of triathletes that, after wearing their wetsuits and creating a "all for one, one for all" atmosphere go in a separate corner and have together some totally legal liquid carbos, looking around with suspicious eyes and trying to show they're doing something else?
But hey: now they look ready to race!

The tall, young bloke, when 5 years old was so skinny, so his mom "helped" him with "sooo natural stuff - you know, I wouldn't hurt my baby": Vitamins, extracts directly from bees, and other... When 17, bees provided lots of things to help him to stay focused on the maths homework, at night...

This guy is an addict to something that should be naturally produced by his body and mind: trust in himself, and in his abilities.
He buys it the legal way, when he could feel it rise from his emotions.
But being legal, it's ok, because he's into triathlons with wide open eyes, and he knows what's going on.

He knows that ITU see with lots of suspect the fact that its elite athletes are all asmatics... are they all certified ill just to have enhancing drugs legally? Who knows...He also tried to know more about it. It came out that some researches showed that some asthma medicaments can just augment the intake of air and enhance nothing, other can augment the volume of the heart and help it to pump more blood... What a mess... and what if all this is up just to cover those terrible kind of doping: EPO, hormones... It's a BAD mess... well, he takes carbos, you know. The brand you don't find in all shops.
They give more - he feel it, and they're legal.

What about the older guy? Oh, he doesn't believe in carbos. He just like the idea of sharing thrills with younger people. That bloke is cool, but hey, he's more than cool, because he puts chicken soup in his carbo pack, and nobody knows it.

When he was a kid, chicken soup was almost his only food. It was home and shelter.
Other times, you know. He feel lucky, in the end. Those times are really over, and actually he can travel around the world doing triathlons just for fun.
He really laughs, inside him, at all the elite athletes, "of course they're all drug addicts, look at their faces on the finish line...".

He just share the thrills of a not-so-common-carbo-pack and he's part of the triathlon community.
He's fooling the other athletes because he doesn't need anything to be among the best in his age group, and he make them think he's having something particular (but legal), in that pack.

But he has just his fears, in there.

And a bad addiction to chicken soup.


Mauro Mongarli can provide abstracts lots of researches showing the kind of results you need... but can't say anything about chicken soup - excepting that it's like watches: you can use them for not being late, but also to build bombs.

How to cope with the Post-Ironman Blues

by Mauro Mongarli

Well, congrats! You did it. You've just finished your ironman race. Days of glory, even more than a week. Then, the hardest part comes. Recovering from soreness? Being able to face an abnormally grown popularity? Realizing you can walk ten feet from the pavement?

No. Some example:

- After completing her first ironman and having reached all her goals, Sandy C. was found trying to fit a JetStream to her dog, Wallace.
"I was just trying to involve my pet in the sport, but it looks like it prefers just to walk with me. How boring!" Wallace is on walking strike since then, and the house is in a horrible state.

- Heinz K., from Germany, after his first successful iron-finish became a sleep-walker. He smoothly went to his computer, erased all his Gbyte of triathlon files and Internet bookmarks and got back to bed.
"There must be a tri-bug in this bloody machine..."
It still happens after 12 ironman races happily finished, but he never realized his problem. Heinz' former computer dealer, Karl O., 27 yo, is now retired and live in Moorea, South Pacific.

- Rob W., after IMUSA and an apparently normal recover start, founded a new religion, the "We Are Living In Transition Times, Brothers and Sisters: Don't Forget This And To Lock Your Helmet! Church".
"I needed something to spread the triathlon word, and to help me to have a faster T2"
When hit by Post-Ironman Blues, Rob practice T2 on dummies, dolls and sometimes on simple hangers.

Three examples of Post-Ironman Blues.
They can be considered extreme, indeed, but if you have experimented sensations like:

- being sad with no reason;
- feeling bad about the recovering, mostly when your body show reprise signs;
- feeling like the race has been great, yes, but now sooo far in the past... you're in it.

What to do?

Relax, and think that:


1) IT'S NORMAL: After such a high, a cool down is natural. Life (no less) is like this, and you learnt an Ironman race is more similar to life than gore TV;

2) IT'S GOOD: even your nerves and emotional system need to recover. Unluckily you can't decide it for them, but they're very good to decide it on their own (and for you);

3) IT WON'T LAST: when plans for the next race, the ones you started to think right after the race, start to say "yoo-hooo! remember us?" normal life is near.

Sandy will walk the dog regularly, Heinz will sleep well and Rob will run this magazine the usual great way.

In the end, Post-Ironman Blues fix in your mind the fact you've decide to compete in, trained for, raced at your best in one of the most amazing sport event you can find out of your door.

It reminds you you're human, and if at the beginning this could shock you, at the end it adds more value to your effort.

Be grateful!


Mauro Mongarli's Post-Ironman Blues? He usually wander around asking people: "Did you see my pony? Sir, I've lost my pony..."

Is triathlon actually healthy?

by Mauro Mongarli


Transition Times' September issue include an article celebrating the 25th anniversary of triathlon. The chosen key is to enumerate all the steps forward from 1974 until now, considering "now" the Olympic thrill. This key permit to explain in the best way the smashing progress of our favourite sport during so little time, and I would like to start from here to make some considerations dressed up like questions.

Is triathlon actually healthy?

Signals are different:

- ITU met some problems and people have not clear how they've been solved, but hey, they took us all at the Olympic Games! Just remember: the show must go on.

- WTC is expanding deeply in the world: the healthy need of a growing business or the need to face an always more faceted demand, that gladly would consider other kind of ultra events?

- Rules: believe me, I still don't have understood who's gaining something from this mess.

Coming back to the Olympics:

Why lots and lots of elite athletes show most interests in doing longer distances after Sydney?

This is a nice question, for me.

The answer is probably strictly tied to another question:

Is television a true, completely positive media for triathlon?
Indeed it is, but in which direction? Audience one or sponsor one?

Age groupers: what about the growing fracture among them: a part of deep agonists and lots of iron tourists? But most important: why they're not tied to the elite world in the "fans" way? In the States lots of people thinks "poor elite, they're forced to do draft races to qualify for the Olympics", elsewhere the top athletes just do the ITU qualifying races all over and loose contacts with their natural areas, and local races often loose some charme.

The word "circus" is often used for the ITU international events: are we sure is a positive name?


Connect the ideas above as in a hypertext to help build a custom thought.
In case you're trying to get a solution (if you see any hidden problems), I'll give you one as well (always to add in hypertext style).

It permits a coming back to the original spirit of the sport.
It permits to mantain the "superhuman" allure of triathletes, but in a more handy way.
It permits to have clear rules.
It's easy to manage (read: no costs).
Very attractive for media.
It teach true discipline to young.
It permits social relationships in many more ways.
It gives big profits.
It's the Spartan Triathlon (an enlightening idea of Jane Fratesi, triathlete and wonderful soul)


The only equipment needed will be:

a helmet
a bike
deodorant

- No shoes
- No glasses
- No hats
- No watches
- No food or drink that cannot be gathered on the
course.

Anyone who complains will have the pedals removed from
his bike.
Anyone who complains twice will have the saddle
removed from his bike.

If your concerns are:

- "I will get so hungry. What if my wife accidentally
drops a PowerGel. May I pick it up?"
No. Your wife will not accompany you to this race
anyway. She will be embarrassed because you are naked.

"I will get so hungry. May I eat my deodorant?"
No. It contains aluminum stuff. This will give you an
unfair advantage.

"But I need corrective lenses. I must wear glasses."
Stay home.

"I'm embarrassed to be seen naked in public."
You will be supplied with a little black rectangle to
place over your eyes.

Race entry fee will be $1. Spectator fee will be $250.

Got it?




Mauro Mongarli wish to thank Jane Fratesi for being active in the smile side of the tri world.

WHEELS OF WISDOM

By Mauro Mongarli

There is a wisdom within the sport world, so clear obvious, easy, that is very often understimate and labeled as banal.

We usually taste its depth in particular moments, mostly whenever we're far from our top - always talking about sport and the goals people try to accomplish: from professionals to back-of-the-pack athletes.

One of this pearl of wisdom say: THE MOST SIGNIFICANT FACTOR FOR HAVING BETTER RESULTS IN SPORT IS NOT GETTING INJURED.

Clear. Easy. But it can change so dramatically our approach to sport that I know people that surely will read this sentence but won't have the heart even to read it loud, if asked.

Well, I found another one (not an invention of mine, I just try to develop this behaviour here).
It's specific wisdom for triathlete.
It's of the same family of the same above - maybe more powerful and dramatic.
It says: TO LIVE BETTER AND HAVE BETTER SPORTS RESULTS, SELL YOUR CAR.

Details.

(note - I know that it could be easier to do here in Italy than in the States, where most of you readers live: you have bigger spaces to move in, but you also have big imagination and the US triathletes I know don't look like Homer Simpson!)

- bike commuting could be a good beginning;

- Lots of people (even champs) doing ultracyling does not own a car.
Considering that lots of RAAMer come from triathlon...;

- do you think your bicycle can't take you everywhere? No? You're right. There's a lot of places you can go walking or running.

- Repeat with me, and before sleeping: TRAIN...GREYHOUND...BUS... Is this meaning more time for yourself when someone is driving you where you need? Is this meaning more chances to meet interesting people? Oh, that's terrible...

- Pollution? With your bike you stay few time on the road. When waiting at traffic lights the car doesn't protect you as it may seem!

- another good beginning is to change the way you use, or think at your car. The approach is key more than to really sell your Chrysler.
I mean: if in the family have two cars, consider if one can be enough (if you have kids, a car will be for sure needed. But two?)

- I could make some names of known triathletes living this way, but I won't.
I want you to check them out: they're the ones with no back problem!

Final advice:

1)be gradual. If your sport center is 15 miles from home go biking for swim workouts, first. When feeling confident, go riding for easy runs, and in the end for intervals.

2)be gradual 2: consider the needs of people around you, and then balance that with the fact you will be able to dedicate to them more quality time.
Ask their collaboration, you're going to share with them excellent results.

3) if you really sell your car, don't buy another bike... tell your significant other how much you love him/her having a week together where you can't swim, bike or run (if you just can't, a diamond will be ok).

Let me know!


Mauro Mongarli did it - and probably Enzo Ferrari would agree with him, considering his driving...

Are triathletes perfect?

answers collected by Mauro Mongarli


Triathletes? They say we're cool, they say we're true athletes, they say we look gorgeous.
Do we have a dark side? Or, looking for something wrong, we can quote Woody Allen and say "Sometimes we forget the hat?"
Usually, people so close to perfection don't have sense of humor - especially about themselves - or are not too down to earth...
So, when on the web I saw a new thread, "what's your most embarassing moment in triathlon?" I told myself: Here probably I can get an answer...


Some of the answers to the question:

====
It was a hot day, and I was in the middle of a long climb.
I think that I was fantasizing about hammering up some hill in the Tour de France or maybe it was the climb to Hawi - either way I was completely daydreaming.
I had a water bottle mounted behind my seat on this little forward seatpost
adapter doohickey.
Well the water bottle and cage broke off, but I did not notice it.
This nice couple drove up along side me and handed me a water bottle - in a
broken bottle cage. I took a drink, thanked the nice couple and handed them
back the water bottle - isn't that what you are supposed to do when you are
an elite cyclist?

Please remember - I was daydreaming.

They looked at me like I was a complete idiot, tried to hand the water
bottle back to me and finally drove off. About 10 miles later I finally
realized that it was my own water bottle that these people were trying to
return to me......

====


In one of my very first triathlons, I was doing the bike leg as part of a
relay team. About 8 or 9 miles into the ride I had to launch a snot rocket
so I did. It just so happens someone was coming along side me and my
"rocket" landed right in the middle of his thigh. Talk about embarrassing!

====

Does anyone remember back in the 80's when they had those "aero" bike helmets
that had the long point in back? Well, I had one of those pointy helmets and
during transition, I was hurriedly putting on this helmet and running out
with my bike when I heard my brother screaming at me, "You're helmet is on
backwards!" I was totally embarrassed! And he got it on film...I looked like
I had a beak or something!


====


My first triathlon...finished the bike leg and  am cruising into T2.  I attempt to dismount my bike in a way I had never done before.... unclip my right foot and swing my leg over the seat so I am sort of side saddle with my left foot still clipped in.  Problem... I can't get my left foot out of the pedal.  I come flying into T2 around 15 MPH and suffer a "World's most amazing videos" crash in a heap directly in front of my cheering wife and children and a huge group of spectators and officials (left foot still clipped in the pedal).  I scream "Don't touch me!" because I have some fear that if any spectator or official helps me up off the ground I will be disqualified.  I go running off into the sunset with bleeding knees and elbows and a bad hip pointer.  After the race I get the following responses from my family:
Wife:  "Haven't you practiced getting OFF the bike? You are such a dork!" Daughter: "Get away from me you're bleeding....gross!"
Son:  "Cool crash dad!"
We certainly are a strange group.

====


I'm out on a semi-long run through the country. On my way back in,
enjoying a nice day when... I deftly slip my right foot into the loop of my
left shoestring (which of course is securely double-knotted), so my feet are
now tied together in mid-stride. Face plant! Naturally, I had only seen a
handful of cars during the whole run, but there's a carload of teenagers
coming up the road at the crucial moment. They enjoyed the show immensely.

====


I had recently gotten my first racing bike. For some
reason I didn't have a saddle bag to put the spare tubes in.
Instead I got the brilliant idea to stuff a couple of tubes
under the saddle, securing them with a knot. In one uphill
suddenly I couldn't pedal anymore, something obstructed the chain
so it could not rotate. Well, a little violence should help I thought
and stod up and pushed down hard on one pedal. That was bad. What
had happened was a tube had come out from under the saddle. Still
hanging there in the knot while the other end had got twisted into
the rear dereilleur and the chain. And when I pushed down on the
pedal the dereilleur broke, it snapped (cheap junk)! I had
clip pedals that was tightened and I fell immediately. On the other
side of the street walked a group of about five teenage girls.
When they saw my fall they stopped and just stood there looking
at me. I wrestled with the bike to try to get the shoes out of the
pedals for some time (this isn't trivial lying on the side with
bike on top of you). One girl asked if I needed any help. No no,
I'm fine, I've done this before was my brilliant answer. They started
to walk away, giggling. When I told the lbs guy what happened he
wasn't too impressed with my master plan of carrying spares under
the saddle...

====

I remember three years ago, during a bike ride, I joined a very strong group of roadies, with two guys now professional. They were riding very easy, so I joined them pushing almost at my max. They were quite kind and asked me about triathlon and things. Nice people.

All of a sudden one of them have a flat, and everyone get upset: it was the third time, and they didn't have spare rubber anymore - or didn't want to give
him more, becuse there was an obviuos problem with the rim... I had one,
and wanted to be the nice guy and give my spare one, talking about my
wonderful kevlar tires...

Well, I take out the tire. It's for MTB.

I wanted to dye (I still want it, when I think about it).

====

My first tri (a sprint). I ate my first 3 PowerBars ever before
the race and didn't drink, I didn't read the instructions about drinking
and if one is good three must be better right?
On the run I kept wanting to puke but stopped myself thinking I could
get to the end. I nearly made it. Instead of puking in some bushes in
the country I survived until the finish straight when I managed multiple
consecutive pukes in front of all the finish line spectators finally
crossing the line to get a first finish photo showing a very much worse
for wear t-shirt.

====


For the past few months, I've been making my own energy bars.
For the last batch, I decided to cut the bars into squares... to see if they would be easier to handle while riding. (Answer: No, but they're not quite as lumpy in the cycling jersey)

On Sunday, I was out for my now-weekly ride with the roadies. As I was
pulling into the turnaround bakery, I noticed my computer was coming off. I
grabbed the computer, a couple of bars, a coffee and sat down at one of the
tables.

Can you see it coming?

There is was, relaxed and really cool because I kept up the group
today. Nonchalantly, I picked up one of my bars to take a nice big bite...
and... ouch! it's the bicycle computer! I imagine that, if I hadn't acted
so surprised, nobody would have noticed but no...


====
Of course, I could tell you about trying on my first wetsuit, walking out of the changing room, and meeting Dave Scott! He looked at me, smiled...sort of giggled, and moved on.
The fact that I had the wetsuit completely backwards was good for his day, I'm sure... but let's get to race day.
I've had a great swim, and I'm wobbling forwards, full-tilt-lambada style for the transition area. I reach back, and forgetting about the velcro closure on the collar...grab the leash and yank for all it's worth. The last thing I
remember thinking was "Wow...not a cloud in the sky today!" *WHAM*. Memo
to Ironman Wetsuits...they bounce remarkably well with enough momentum.

====

I'm moving up in the swim, hugging the lay-line on the buoys. Of course in any race there's that one guy you always catch who seems to telepathically know where you're moving to pass... and swerves. After 2-3 minutes of zigging and zagging like I'm playing Spy Hunter.
I've had enough. I cut hard right...and suddenly there's a buoy in front of me! I can't cut left...and cutting right means cutting the course...
No problem, I reactively think "I'll just Butterfly over it(!)". Problem: Buoy is 2 feet high. I wound up, popped out...*POINGGGG!* Face First...I crashed into the thing, and hugged it like a skier hugs a tree as a last line of self-preservation. One of the kayak marshals was still laughing as I swam away...but so was I...suddenly humming "George...George...George of the Jungle...."

====


Standing in a transition area... I pulled down and
stepped out of my warm up pants. I actually took a couple steps toward the
lake when I realized I had also pulled down my speedo.


====


About 50 yds into the swim portion of a local tri last year, I was working
hard on technique and repeating the "smooth" mantra. Soon, I found myself
next to the buoys of this clockwise, out-and-back route. Having been near
the buoys in previous tris, I knew that if I started off course the rope
between the buoys would always alert me to move back on course (negating
the need to sight as often) Well...not all buoys are created equal--some
have ropes from buoy to buoy and some are just anchored to the bottom of
the lake. (You can see where this is going...) Still concentrating on
technique and repeating my mantra, I "smoothly" charted a course directly
across the buoy line. When I finally looked up, I had nearly beached myself
on the opposite shore and had a wonderful view of the race...unfortunately,
I was supposed to be in it, not watching it from shore. So, after a major
panic attack and talking myself out quitting right there, I swam back
across the buoy line (avoiding head-on collisions with those swimmers who
were headed home) to the turn-around buoy and back to T1 with the next wave
of swimmers. My performance the rest of the day was quite poor, having
spent a great deal of time and energy during the swim, my weakest event to
begin with.

====

My second tri. Ran out of the pool, through the changing
rooms and out onto the road. Stopped, ran back the way I came and then
through the correct door into the car park where T1 was. Got some
applause from the lap counter on my way back :-)


====

The literature was PACKED with warnings about any "pit stops" which
weren't at an official porta-potty. So I head out on the run (this is my
first half ever) and I have to go. I mean really go, in a way that even an
illegal roadside stop can't help with. So I vow that I can make it to the
turn around at 6.5...but when I arrive there, to my dismay the scheduled
potty is nowhere to be seen! I ask the volunteers where it is and they say
there is none, but the pamphlet had promised one there!!! Grrr. So I am
left with no alternative than to swipe some paper towels quickly off teh
water table and seek the nearest brushy area. Moments later I emerged,
feeling MUCH better and ready to get on my way (my partner had actually
waited for me!) but as I emerge the race people are yelling at me about
being DQ-ed for my action. I start to argue but my friend urges me to
forget it, throw the stupid paper towel away, and get running. In an
effort to at least be sanitary about it all I pitch the dirty towels in
the nearest rubber trash can, right next to a volunteer--who was still
hollering. Much to my dismay, I had tossed the nasty rag into a tub of
gatorade!! Now they were really pissed, so I just turned and ran. Never
heard a word when I crossed the finish line, but I sure hope they dumped
out that gatorade. Oops.

=============================================


After all this I assume triathletes can laugh at themselves, and are nice people, too... So: what's our dark side? We should have one...





Mauro Mongarli warmly thanks all the people of TRI-DRS mailing list (http://home.att.net/~thompeters/tri-drs/), that demonstrate everyday that being a triathlete doesn't make you perfect, but helps.
Special thanks to Amy White for beginning the thread you've just read something about, and a dedication to the guy that in London, with his bike, once crashed into George Harrison's (the Beatles one) new Jaguar - my favourite embarassing tri-moment. You know who you are!

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